


memories with you

by EASKZY



Category: NCT (Band), We Go Up - NCT Dream (Music Video)
Genre: Bittersweet Ending, Childhood Friends, Coming Out, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Jealousy, M/M, Memories, Terminal Illness, jaehyun is jaemin's brother, jaemin is a crybaby, jaemin is also jealous, jaemin loves jeno too much, jeno is a cute boyfriend, jeno is possessive, nomin, nomin first kiss, nomine are bestfriends, nominee growing up together, past markmin, renhyuck are married, romantic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:21:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24960742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EASKZY/pseuds/EASKZY
Summary: Jeno tasted the bitterness of vodka as he watched his best friend’s body pressed against the wall, arms linked around Mark’s neck and the two of them making out like the 50 people in the room weren’t there.Jeno has never tried to drink alcohol. That was his first time, at his best friend’s birthday party.Jeno first impression of vodka was bitter.or in which It took 10 years for Jeno to realize he was in love with his best friend.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 66





	memories with you

**Author's Note:**

> hi! this is my nomine short au. I'm sorry English is not my first language but my third one so it's not well written :(  
> I hope you'll enjoy it. Please let me know if you liked it!   
> you can follow me on my twt account @nctvaus !!!

Jeno was nine years old when he met for the first time Jaemin. As he was playing with the playstation his hyung bought him for Christmas, he overheard his mom talking on the phone about a new family moving to their neighborhood.

_“Oh hi sweetie” the woman in front of the door was clearly taken by surprised. In Jeno’s defense it was his mom’s fault. The point was that his mom sent him to give a basket of homemade cupcakes to their new neighbors which really annoyed Jeno because he was busy killing the zombies with his new video games. But his parents have always taught him to be nice and polite so he obliged._

_“Hi, this is for you” he said a little embarrassed while giving her the basket. The woman, who had black hair like his mom, took the basket gracefully and read the little post on it._

_“Oh, you must be the son of our neighbors. I have already met your mom! You’re so sweet, you didn’t have to. But please tell your mom that i’m really happy and that we will enjoy the cupcakes” Jeno quietly nodded and as he was ready to leave, the woman stopped him._

_“Wait, let me introduce you first my son. Jaemin come here for a second!” Jeno tried his best to not show how frustrated he was. Really. He just wanted to go back home and play but that would have been rude from him. A new figure approached them. The kid was slim with a tiny figure, his hair were blonde caramel, he was slightly taller than him and his eyes were curious. He quickly hid behind the woman’s leg._

_“what are you doing Jaemin-ah? Are you shy now?” The woman started to giggle in awe by his own son’s behaviour._

_“Hi! My name’s Jeno” Jeno said waving his tiny hand. The kid didn’t reply but just starred at him._

_“Jaeminie, why are you so shy my baby?” The woman laughed ruffling the kid’s hair. Jaemin started_ to _whine._

_“Moooooom, i’m not a baby anymore” he pouted looking up to face his mom. The scene made Jeno smile. He definitely knew the feeling as his own mom kept calling him baby and he wasn’t a baby anymore! (he still is). “i’m Jaemin” the kid continued giving a glance to Jeno._

Jeno was thirteen years old when he fought with Jaemin for the first time after three years of friendship. Their families became soon friends and usually spend a lot of time together. It was common for the kids to visit each others until late night, playing games and laughing on Jaemin’s older brother. They were inseparable. From going to school to spending Christmas holidays baking cookies together. Where there was Jaemin there was also Jeno and where there was Jeno, there was also Jaemin. Yes, they had their little bickering moments but they have never fought. Until that day.

_“Honey, why are you crying?” Jaemin didn’t care and didn’t mind. He just ran up the stairs and shut with a loud bang his room’s door. He was mad and sad. He felt also stupid. He had his fair enough amount of petty fights with Jeno but this one, he felt it wasn’t a small fight. He felt a huge pain in his chest. Anger. The door of his room opened and his mother was looking at him, probably ready to scold him because he ignored her and even dared to shut the door with a bang. But as soon as the woman saw the teary eyes, her look softened a bit. She saw those really sad eyes three times in her life. When Jaemin discovered Santa Claus was fake by catching on red his dad, when Jaemin and Jaehyun had a huge fight they didn’t talk with each others for two weeks until Jaemin gave in and started crying and when his dad passed away four years ago when they still lived in Busan._

_“Honey, can you tell mama what happened?” She asked gently as she sit on the kid’s bed._

_“I had a fight with Jeno”_

_“You also had one last week over a video-game” she sighed patting the boy’s hair because that fight didn’t even last 15 minutes. “What happened now that you look so sad?” Jaemin didn’t say anything because maybe he was in denial, trying to hide his guilt._

_“Jaemin”_

_“I...I talked bad about him to Hyunjin and he discovered so he got mad at me”._

_“Why would you do that to him honey?” This time her mom’s voice sounded more stiff. She didn’t expect that as she knew how Jaemin adored Jeno._

_“But i am his bestfriend and i heard Jeno calling him his bestfriend and i don’t know it bothered him so i just said bad things about him to Hyunjin so Hyunjin would have stopped being his best friend because Jeno is my best friend, not his” he quickly replied without stopping that it was hard for his mom to follow him. Mrs. Na sighed at his son. Somehow she understood the problem underneath Jaemin’s pain. “And Jeno discovered everything and i almost made him cry but he didn’t cry and yelled at me and i cried because...because” Jaemin started to sob heavily as he burst into a cry._

_“Baby, this is called jealousy” she said softly taking Jaemin’s hand. The kid kept crying for a solid 10 minutes as his mom kept telling him reassuring words._

_“Jealousy?”_

_“Yes. You know, you have already felt this way many times. It’s when you have someone or something and you just want to have them all by yourself”._

_Jeno was as usual playing with his playstation - this time with glasses because his sight got worse - when his mom entered the living room with someone._

_“Jeno, someone here wants to talk with you” his mom said looking at Jaemin with pity eyes. But the black hair kid already knew who that someone was so he kept playing, ignoring Jaemin’s existence. “Jeno please can i talk to you?” This time it was Jaemin who spoke._

_“I don’t talk with people who talk bad about me” Jeno replied without shifting his gaze on the screen._

_“Jeno, don’t be so rude!” If it wasn’t for his mom, he swears he would have kept ignoring Jaemin. “Okay, fine!”._

_And they talked. Well, Jeno just listened and Jaemin kept crying. It wasn’t a surprise to Jeno because he knew his best friend could be sometimes too much sensitive and crybaby._

_“You are an idiot. Of course you are my only best friend. Hyunjin is just my friend. You are my best friend”. Jeno said feeling guilty. He didn’t knew why the hell in the first place he called Hyunjin his best friend but he knew he hurt Jaemin._

_“Promise me?”_

_“Promise you”._

Jeno was fifth-teen when he got his first girlfriend. Her name was Ryun and she was beautiful. His ideal girl. Ryun was a girl from the second floor of his school. She was beautiful, nice and smart and everyone adored her. She stole many hearts but her heart belonged to Jeno only and they became soon the couple that everyone envied. But not Jaemin. He was happy for Jeno, he was definitely happy that his best friend was the happiest he have ever seen.

_“Jaemin do you want to come?” They were doing their math’s homework and Jaemin was stressed because it’s been 20 minutes already and he didn’t find yet the answer for x. His book said x was 15 but his x ended up with 4527. How the hell._

_“Jaemin, hey, earth calling Jaemin!!!” Jeno snapped his fingers in front of the guy and Jaemin just gave him an annoyed look._

_“I am trying to study Jeno”. In all honesty he didn’t even know why he went to Jeno’s house to study if he knew that his best friend would have started play with the ball or with his playstation. Habits never die, he guessed._

_“Chill, i was just asking if you want to come with me and Ryu to the cinema”_

_“And why would i third wheel you?”_

_“Because i need emotional support. I want to tell her that i love her for the first time” Jeno said with nonchalance while scrolling through his social media._

_“That’s supposed to be an intimate moment” Jaemin deadpanned looking so done at his best friend’s antics._

_“Of course you’re not gonna be there when i’ll tell her. You’re good at creating good atmosphere and I’ll definitely feel more relax. Please, do it for me, you always support me with Ryu” this time Jeno looked back at him with his puppy eyes, those eyes that no one could tell no. Damn it. Jaemin looked down his notebook to rewrite the problem that he had to solve. He didn’t dare to put much thought on how he could relax Jeno that much. Was that the reason why Jeno always came to his place before anything important could happen?_

_“That’s stupid and you’re a horrible person Lee Jeno” he mumbled scrambling numbers and algebra formulas. There was a minute of silence._

_“Ok fine, i’ll come with you”. The x this time was 15. Jaemin finally solved the math problem. Yet, somehow,_ he _wasn’t happy and that annoyed him more._

Jeno was sixteenths when Jaemin came out for the very first time to him. It was shocking but not surprising. He was his best friend after all and somehow he saw that coming. While many of their boys classmates showed interest in girls with short skirt and boobs, Jaemin wasn’t really into it. Rumours spread like a bonfire when someone started to assume that Jaemin might be into men. Of course those rumours somehow arrived to Jeno too. The boy didn’t believe at first but the more he was watching his best friend’s behaviour and the more he started to believe it. And because he was curious, Jeno started to do his research on internet. He found out that there were many things he didn’t know yet and honestly got scared for Jaemin because he read all the “lgbt community struggles”. He didn’t want that for his best friend. But he educated himself looking for people that could empathise with him. “I think my best friend is gay. What should i do?”. He found out a thread of replies, many people saying that being gay it was okay, it wasn’t something bad. He stayed up until 3am to read many answers.

_“Jeno, i want to tell you something but please don’t hate me”. They were at Jaemin’s house waiting for his mom to come back with their chinese food take away. Jeno hummed even though he already knew._

_“I will never hate you nana”._

_“I’m gay” Jaemin said quickly closing his eyes. Maybe he was afraid to see Jeno’s reaction. Probably._

_“And i’m happy for you” Jeno said calmly smiling at his best friend sitting next to him._

_“Wait what? Aren’t you mad? Surprised? Nothing?”_

_“I’m your best friend and you have done many more questionable things than being gay, Jaemin”. Jeno said sarcastically trying to lighten up the atmosphere by making Jaemin laugh because he knew that his best friend could easily break down in any moment. “And there’s nothing wrong about it. I’ll always support you. You’re still Na Jaemin in my eyes, my best friend”. And with that Jaemin started sobbing. He threw himself to Jeno’s body, hugging him like his life depended on it._

_“I was afraid you would hated me” he whispered in a painful’s voice._

_Jeno was more shocked about this than confirming that his best friend was indeed into men._

_"Does your mom know already?"._

_"Mh, not yet. I'll tell her when I'm ready"._

_They had to make up an excuse when the door opened and Jaemin’s mom asked why the hell his giant baby -even though Jaemin was tiny and even shorter than Jeno!- was crying. In school, the voices spread faster than a pandemic. It wasn’t a huge deal. Jeno was anyway ready to beat up anyone that would have dared to make fun of his best friend though no one dared to do anything. With him being the class president and Ryu being the football cheerleader captain, no one dared to mock Jaemin._

Jeno was seventeen when he tasted for the first time the bitterness of alcohol and jealousy. He tried his best to deny the feeling of jealousy. He was definitely just overprotective.

_“what are you wearing?” Jeno asked entering Jaemin’s room with three fresh drinks. Ryu, his girlfriend, insisted a lot to help Jaemin for his first ever date with a boy. His name was Mark, the new kid from oversea that everyone loved but no one expected for him to have eyes on Jaemin, the pretty boy that the whole school already “accepted” and “normalised” being gay._

_“Do you like it? Ryu choose this shirt for me!” Jaemin said enthusiastically while Ryu was putting some cream on his face._

_“Trust me Jaemin, when Mark will see you, he will fall harder for you” Ryu said giggling. “Right baby?”. Jeno was quiet for a moment until he realised that his girlfriend was talking to him._

_“Oh yea yea but like...isn’t this shirt too showy and loose?” He asked sitting on Jaemin’s bed as he watched his girlfriend styling his best friend’s hair._

_“What do you mean? It’s perfect. Also, i heard that in the west they are used to this kind of outfit” Jaemin said shrugging as he was typing something on his phone._

_“What time does he gonna take you back home?” Jeno asked._

_“I don’t know. He said that it was a surprise so i don’t really know”._

_“You mean you don’t know where is he taking you? Text me every hour so i know that he didn’t kidnap you. Also, you should be at home at 10pm”. Ryu looked up to meet his boyfriend’s eyes and frowned by Jeno’s “order”. Jaemin, on the other hand, stayed quiet even thought he could see everything from the mirror in front of him._

_“What?” Jeno asked to Ryu. “Nothing, you sound like a jealous boyfriend but you have never been that jealous for me” she quickly replied and Jaemin could sense the discomfort that was coming from her voice. Even after almost three years of relationship, Ryu didn’t understand yet Jeno and Jaemin friendship._

_“Ya, you know Jeno. He still sees me as a little brother to protect” Jaemin laughed it off trying to avoid Jeno’s eyes from the mirror. Jeno has always been protective to Jaemin. Things got even worse when the school discovered the younger sexuality but this thing being overprotective was something that Jaemin had always question himself because he had already an older brother, Jaehyun, and his being overprotective was completely different from Jeno’s overprotectiveness._

_The date was a success. It was confirmed when Jaemin and Mark walked into the school holding hands and everyone were starring at them in shock. - well, they already predicted that but seeing things in real life was completely different-._

_It’s been two months since Jaemin and Mark started dating. Jeno tasted for the first time the bitterness of vodka at his best friend surprised birthday party prepared by Mark. It was a typical party with friends, loud music and more alcohol than food. It was Jaemin 17th birthday. Jeno tasted the bitterness of vodka as he watched his best friend’s body pressed against the wall, arms linked around Mark’s neck and the two of them making out like the 50 people in the room weren’t there. Jeno never tried to drink alcohol. That was his first time, at his best friend’s birthday party. Jeno first impression of vodka was bitter._

Jeno was eighteen years old when he missed for the first time his best friend. Missing didn’t mean not seeing his best friend for days because that had already happened when Jeno went to Europe for two months. Missing his best friend meant that he was feeling empty for some reason he couldn’t point out. Yes, they were still going to school together but something was different. They were both busy with their last senior year in high school, enrolling and making test for college. They were both busy with their own love life. Jeno was dating someone new, he broke up with Ryu at the end of the last year for “unknown reason” to everyone but they still stayed friends. Jaemin and Mark were going strong, maybe too strong for Jeno’s taste and he didn’t like the idea that he was missing his best friend because Jaemin was too busy being with Mark.

_**leejn.00** _

_Are you seriously dumping me over your boyfriend?_

_**jmn.na** _

_Don’t be dramatic =.=_

_**leejn.00** _

_I have all the rights. You’re dumping our Frimovie tradition because Mark couldn’t delay his flight for a day._

_**jmn.na** _

_wait_

_Are you being serious_

_Jeno, he’s my boyfriend and i won’t see him for two weeks And don’t you dare playing that card with me when i have never bat an eye when you dumped ME for Ryu countless time._

_That night, 3am, Jeno woke up because someone was calling him. Jaemin._

_“what?” he asked a little annoyed. Who the hell call at 3am anyway?_

_“open your window. I’ll sneak in”. Jeno heavily sighed so Jaemin could hear how annoyed he was._

_“What are you even doing at this hour? Aren’t you supposed to be with Mark?”._

_“He actually dropped me here before going to the airport. I told you, his flight is at 5am”._

_“You dumb, just use the secret key that my mom hid under the plants before you broke your leg again”._

_“Hey! That happened just one time!!”._

_At 4am they watched a Disney movie under Jeno’s blanket, Jaemin’s face laying on his best friend’s chest and Jeno caressing the younger’s hair. It wasn’t Friday anymore but Jeno noticed in the middle of the movie that Jaemin did everything he could just to not break their Friday movie tradition._

_“Will you ever replace me Jeno?” The blonde hair asked out of nowhere without shifting his eyes on the screen._

_“Of course no Nana. Why?”_

_“In 5 months we won’t see each others that much anymore because i got accepted in another college” Jaemin whispered in a soft voice. Jeno didn’t reply and just stayed quiet. They both applied at the same university but Jaemin decided to also apply for another university, his university dream. As always, Jeno already saw that coming. The breeze air that was coming from outside was caressing Jeno’s face with a cold reality. At some point, Jeno and Jaemin had to follow different paths after nine years of being always together and being always each others backs._

_That summer was indeed different because Jeno and Jaemin never separated for a second it was almost scaring._

_“I want to taste it!” Jaemin whined leaning towards Jeno. The two were having their usual ice-cream moment at their favourite ice cream shop._

_“No, you should have picked it” Jeno teased him licking the pistachio flavour._

_“I thought it was matcha and you know i don’t like it. Don’t be mean”_

_“I’m not me-“_

_“You have something here” Jaemin leaned again towards Jeno but this time with a different intention. He placed his finger on the corner of Jeno’s lips to swipe away the melted ice cream left. Too close, Jeno thought and he went overload when Jaemin looked up starring at his eyes, still too close to his face that their noses could touch any moments. Jeno looked Jaemin’s eyes and for the first time he noticed how pretty they were._

_“So, mhh where’s Mark?” Jeno gulped as soon as Jaemin sit back like nothing happened._

_“Oh, he said that he will be here in an hour” Jaemin smiled taking his phone, probably checking on his boyfriend. Not only Jaemin’s eyes were pretty. His best friend smile was pretty too._

Jeno was nineteen when he said goodbye to Jaemin for the first time. The scene was far for being dramatic. It was actually a normal goodbye. He was expecting Jaemin to cry but the younger surprised everyone when he just looked completely plain and smiley. After all he was about to go to his university dream. They promised each others to always text or call everyday so their worries over their friendship just slip away. It was Jeno’s first year without Jaemin’s weird antics, Jaemin’s cries over dumb stuff, Jaemin’s laughs.

_**leejn.00** _

_my roommate is such a nerd_

_**jmn.na** _

_you are seriously the one talking here? -.-_

_Well my roommate is actually funny ahah_

_**leejn.00** _

_i’m not a nerd :(_

_**jmn.na** _

_yes you are <3_

_my nerd <3_

_tell me more about your roommate_

_**leejn.00** _

_his name is Donghyuck_

_wait_

_Can i call you?_

_**jmn.na** _

_sure ^^_

_It was a Saturday night when Jeno was just chilling in his room scrolling through his social media. He tapped his best friend’s Instagram story. Apparently Jaemin was partying that night and Jeno was happy for him, actually he worried that Jaemin couldn’t make any friends because of his very introvert personality._

_**leejeno_00** _

_don’t get too drunk and don’t do stupid things!!!_

_**jaemi.na08** _

_yes mother_

_“Whipped” Donghyuck, his roommate, said._

_And it went like that for four months until Christmas holidays when they saw each others again. They spent their holiday days as usual. Making stupid and useless gifts, laughing over old comedy movies, spending the Christmas night going to each others places, drinking Jaemin’s mom hot chocolate while telling each others funny anecdotes that happened at university. Jeno thought it wasn’t that bad and that maybe his roommate who became quickly one of his closest friend, Donghyuck, was right whenever he tells him that he was being too overprotective to Jaemin. But not that day. In the middle of March when Jaemin called Jeno during one of his bio class sobbing mess because apparently Mark broke up with him._

_**leejn.00** _

_Open your door_

_Jaemin frowned at his best friend’s message._

_**jmn.na** _

_???_

_Im at my dorm now what are you talking about_

_**leejn.00** _

_Just open the door_

_Jaemin sighed closing the book he was trying to read. With heavy steps and the little strength that he still had, he went to open the door just to found Jeno standing in front of him with a giant stuffed animal in his arms. Jaemin’s eyes widened at the sight as his heart almost dropped._

_“What...what are you doing here?!”._

_Apparently Jeno took the first train when Jaemin called him heartbroken._

_That summer Jeno expected to see his best friend but in his surprised it didn’t happen. His heart dropped when he saw the sign sale in front of Jaemin’s house. His mom explained him that for a certain reason the Na family had to move back to Busan. That also explained why Jaemin started to not reply that much often to his messages and avoided his phone calls in the last months even thought Jeno was sure it was because Jaemin was too busy with his final exams._

_“He officially changed his phone number” Jeno said throwing his phone on his bed._

_“Huh?” Donghyuck looked up from the book he was reading just to witness a very frustrated Jeno. Not that it was his first time._

_“Jaemin. He changed his number. The secretary is saying that the number doesn’t exist” The black hair guy lay down on his bed and started to wonder what the hell happened. Why Jaemin disappeared everywhere. He didn’t update social medias anymore. He didn’t reply to Jeno’s messages. No good morning no good night and for the first week Jeno freaked out that maybe something bad happened to Jaemin until his mom called him to reassure him that Jaemin and his family were just fine and that they just moved back to Busan._

Jeno was twenty years old when he received for the first time a gift from his best friend who disappeared. It was scaring, creepy but at the same time exciting. Jeno liked to think that Jaemin never forgot him but he didn’t understand why he removed him from his life. In his last 4 years in college, Jeno never knew why Jaemin disappeared and his sadness somehow turned into anger because on the 23rd day of April of every single year - his birthday your honour- he would always received a birthday present packed with a cute tape and it was always Donghyuck to deliver the package.

_“From Jaemin” Donghyuck read the note placed on top of the present. “You know Jeno? Your best friend is weird. Disappearing from nowhere but he always send you a present for your birthday like he’s here” his roommate commented._

_The first time he received Jaemin’s present was in the second year of uni._

_“Hey birthday boy, someone sent you this” Donghyuck announced as he was entering the room with a cute packed box. Jeno frowned because he already received his mom’s gift._

_“Hyuck, this is not funny” he said with a serious tone voice that scared Donghyuck, the poor boy who was just changing into another shirt._

_“What are you talking about?”._

_“It’s written From Jaemin”._

_“Isn’t he the guy you said that disappeared?”._

_Jeno was hesitant to open the box but he did it anyway. It was a picture frame with a picture of him and Jaemin taken at Jeno’s 10th birthday. Their first birthday together. Jaemin was looking at him fondly at the picture while Jeno was trying to blow the candles. 10 years later he didn’t expect to not have by his side the person he thought he would have for the rest of his life._

Jeno was twenty three years old when he saw for the first time Jaemin, again. Jeno finished his studies with a lot of pride with one of the greatest score among the students. His parents were obviously proud of him. Throughout the years he became more close to Donghyuck and others students like Renjun and Lucas, both of them international students from China. Throughout the years he lived like a normal student, moving on from wounds that scared him...like Jaemin. But like any wounds, Jaemin eventually showed up again because the scars never faded away. Jeno didn’t know if he should called it faith but when he texted it to Donghyuck, his friend replied with a “OMG SOULMATEEEEEE!!!!”. Jaemin changed a lot but Jeno could still recognise him miles away. Jaemin’s hair were blue, his figure was still slim like he remembered, his face had more strong and striking features but not as much as Jeno’s. They causally met again at the train station in Seoul.

_“Jeno?” That voice sounded too familiar and unfamiliar at the same time for Jeno that it almost scared him to turned around. He pretended he didn’t hear anyone but somehow someone grabbed his wrist and blocked him from going away._

_“Hey Jeno”. The way that someone grabbed his wrist was too familiar that Jeno was sure he didn’t want to turn his head, even if the world was ending._

_They sat at the station bar. An awkward silent fell down and it was broken by the waitress who approached them nicely to take their order. As always, Jaemin didn’t change and ordered himself an americano coffee. What ex best friends should say after not seeing each others for five years?_

_“Jaemin, why did you disappear?”_

_Jaemin sighed and smiled._

Jeno was twenty four when he realised for the first time that he was in love with his best friend. It had been a chaotic year. Jeno finally knew why Jaemin disappeared the whole time and why he had to move in Busan. Now Jaemin was back in Seoul again and even if Jeno had tried to avoid him for the first months after their first encounter at the train station, he found himself hopelessly in love with Jaemin.

_“I’m so fucking screwed” Jeno sighed dropping his head to his desk._

_Donghyuck, his roommate and now his coworker, looked at him sipping his morning coffee. “Is it about Jaemin again?” Donghyuck teased._

_Jeno has already introduced them before. Donghyuck was skeptical at first. You tried to put up with an heartbroken roommate for four years! But after Jeno had explained him the whole situation Donghyuck didn’t dare to say anything. Now Donghyuck became also Jaemin’s close friend._

_“How your date went last night?” He continued smirking._

_“Shut up, it wasn’t a date” Jeno rolled up his eyes taking the paper that he had to work on through the day._

_“According to my calculations, you had five non dates with Jaemin”_

_“Shut up”._

_“Dude c’mon. Who are you fooling now? We all know Jaemin is completely head over heals for you and you are like someone ready to move mountains and take down the whole sky just for the sake of his happiness”._

_Jeno was aware. He was well aware of what Donghyuck was saying. No one missed a chance to point out how Jaemin looked at him, even his own mom! Yet Jeno was still insicure. They have been bestfriend for over a decade now. They were used to being clingy to each others but at the same time there was a part of Jeno who was telling him that now something was different. That every time Jaemin would touch him, his heart automatically loses a beat. He spent the whole night thinking what had changed. Jeno has always loved Jaemin smile but now he felt a sense of appropriation. That pretty soft smile should just belong to him and no one. He imagined Jaemin with another guy and suddenly he remembered Mark. In all honesty, Jeno liked Mark, he was a good guy but underneath his positive opinion over the canadian guy, Jeno despited him. No. Jeno didn’t despite him. He despited Mark whenever the guy kissed his best friend in front of him. And Mark wasn’t the problem. All the men who would have tried to take a shot over Jaemin were the problem._

_“Shit, i think i am in love”._

Jaemin was almost twenty four too when Jeno asked him on a date for the first time. It wasn’t anything special, actually Jeno asked him through phone messages.

_**leejn.00** _

_are you free on Saturday night??_

_**jmn.na** _

_yea why_

_**leejn.00** _

_Thai food with me and movie?_

_**jmn.na** _

_It’s not Friday tho_

_wait_

_Are we celebrating something_

_I think i forgot_

_**leejn.00** _

_no i just wanna spend the night with you_

_**jmn.na** _

_oh you make me blush Jeno =.=_

_**leejn.00** _

_that was my goal_

_**jmn.na** _

_wtf lol_

_JWNSKWKKSAKANANNA_

_what are you saying lmao_

_Are you asking me on a date?_

_**leejn.00** _

_I hope i am not too late for a date_

_**jmn.na** _

_You could have asked me until my last breath, i still would have waited for you._

_Their first date wasn’t awkward as Jeno had thought. It was like their usual best friend dates but this time they were actually a couple who hold hands while walking underneath the full moon. They were strolling through the park when Jaemin started to look around. It was summer so many people were still out with their partners and family._

_“So that’s how Donghyu-hey nana” Jeno noticed that the younger wasn’t paying attention to him anymore. He should have been annoyed but as soon he saw Jaemin’s curious eyes, his heart softened a bit. He remembered the first time he met Jaemin. The curious eyes were still the same and they never changed._

_“I’m sorry what were you talking about?”._

_“Do you want it?” Jeno asked softly looking at the old man in front of them._

_“No you don’t have to-“ Jaemin didn’t even finish the sentence when Jeno left his hand to go towards the man. Jaemin cheeks were flashed red and he hated how he felt empty when Jeno had to take away his hand from his. After three minutes Jeno went back holding a rose for Jaemin._

_“For you”._

_“You are so damn cheesy Lee Jeno!” Jaemin said taking the rose a little bit embarrassed._

_“I knew you wanted it shhh” Jeno laughed taking back his hand to hold him this time tighter than before. They kept walking around the park until Jeno insisted for Jaemin to take a rest. They took a sit in one of the park bench where they could have a nice view of the whole park. Jaemin places his head on Jeno shoulder as the latter wrapped his arm around the younger’s back. They both starred at the full moon enjoying the silence between them._

_“Jeno, are you still angry with me? I mean..when i left you for four years?” Jaemin suddenly asked looking up at the older._

_“At first i was. You didn’t tell me anything but i know you did it for my own good” he smiled at him looking at his eyes._

_The moon was reflecting on Jaemin’s eyes and Jeno thought that Jaemin’s eyes were still prettier than the whole sky full of stars and moon. He slowly leaned over his best friend and their lips met each others melting like the ice cream they usually took on summer days at their favourite ice cream shop back when they were still teens. Jaemin’s lips were soft, softer than the breeze of that beautiful night. Jeno placed his hand under Jaemin’s chin with his heart pounding like crazy. He was kissing his best friend and shit, yes, he was in love._

Jeno was twenty five when Jaemin and him moved at the same apartment for the first time. Their relationship was going strong and he never felt happier than before. Living with Jaemin wasn’t something new. They literally spent most time of their lives together that they were already used by each others habits. Jeno would work the whole day expect week ends and Jaemin would take care of their apartment, cooking dinner for his boyfriend. Everyone in their families already knew about their relationship and Jeno pretended to not have heard Jaehyun, Jaemin’s older brother, saying that “he knew it the moment Jeno stepped foot at their place”.

_“Baby, Donghyuck and Renjun are coming in 30 minutes” Jeno said preparing the last things on the dinner table._

_It was Christmas. Because Jeno’s parents had moved in Europe and Jaemin’s family stayed in Busan, it was only them with their closest friends which it was more than enough to make everyone happy._

_“Yes, i’m just putting on some perfume” Jaemin yelled from the bathroom._

_30 minutes later someone rang at their door._

_“Come in, the door’s open!” The door literally opened with a bang and a five years old girl stormed in yelling “JAEMIN HYUUUUUUNG”. Jeno laughed at the girl as Donghyuck and Renjun entered the apartment._

_“Angel don’t run in people’s place. It’s rude. I already told you that!” Renjun sighed closing his eyes._

_“Let her be Injunnie” Donghyuck said giggling._

_Jeno still wondered how the two of them who usually fought every single days at the campus ended up together, married with a kid that they recently adopted._

_Well, universe was a huge mystery after all. Jaemin showed up all dressed up all smiley and as soon he saw Jisoo running towards him, he took her into his arms to lift her up._

_“Ahhh, how’s my favourite angel doing?” He asked hugging the kid. The scene warmth Jeno’s heart and he wondered a family with Jaemin._

_“So Jisoo, what Santa Claus did bring you last night?” Jeno asked._

_They were all sitting at the table, already finished with the dinner that Jaemin cooked._

_“Many toys and dolls hyung!! But i think Santa Clause made a mistake because he brought me the wrong doll that i wanted” Jaemin tried to not laugh as Renjun looked at Donghyuck._

_“Oh honey, i’m sure Santa Clause will make sure to bring you the things you actually want not time” Renjun said with an ironic voice, clearly indirecting his husband as he was in charge of buying Jisoo’s Christmas presents._

_“Hey, Santa Clause can make mistakes sometimes!” Donghyuck rolled up his eyes._

_Jeno and Jaemin started laughing with Jisoo who just starred at them wondering why her uncles were laughing that much._

_The family just left when Jeno wrapped his arms around Jaemin’s body in a big back hug._

_“Baby” he whispered into his ears as Jaemin leaned on the right side his head to leave more space for Jeno._

_“Yes?” “Merry Christmas again. You are my biggest bless” Jeno kept whispering as he started swinging in a slow dance. Jaemin turned his body around and wrapped his arms around Jeno’s neck as the latter put his hands on the younger’s tiny waist. They started to slow dancing, swinging like the waves of the sea on a calm and sunny day._

_“Merry Christmas Jeno” he whispered back._

_Jeno leaned again to kiss Jaemin’s forehead and Jaemin rested his head on Jeno’s chest trying as much as possible to not cry, to not let the tears win over him. Jeno caressed his head and this time Jaemin started to cry silently into his lover’s arms. Jeno looked at the lock of Jaemin’s hair on his hand. Jeno knew he had to prepare himself for the tsunami that was coming. The calm waves weren’t forever._

Jeno was twenty six when he proposed to Jaemin because he knew he was the love of his life. He knew he was his soulmate. He knew that no one could ever replace Jaemin. When Jeno proposed to Jaemin, there were everyone. Donghyuck, Renjun, Jisoo, his parents, Jaemin’s mom and Jaehyun. The first person he asked permission was of course Jaemin’s mom who gave him her absolutely bless. Donghyuck asked him many times if he was sure to take such an important step but Jeno was too sure nothing could ever changed his mind.

_“Jaemin-“_

_“What are you do-“_

_“Jaemin. You are the love of my life. You are my soulmate, the only one who i can see as my truly and only. We grew up together, we saw each others flaws and imperfections, we have always been each others backs and shoulders to cry on. I was there for you when your heart got broken for the first time, you were there for me when my heart got broken. I can’t imagine my life without you and I accept any faith that will be given to me but i just want you to be mine. I love you Jaemin, even after being years apart, my mind and heart always found themselves looking out for you. You are my best friend. My only one and i love you so much so please will you marry me?”._

_Jaemin was already crying at the very first word and when Jeno proposed, he was a messy crying baby like Jeno has always remembered him._

_“Yes idiot, yes i will marry you”. Everyone started crying tears of joy._

_“I love you Jeno”._

Jeno was still twenty six when he learnt a lot about life. In his twenty six years of being alive he actually learnt a lot of things to be the full responsible and adult man that he was now but no one prepared him for that moment. The tsunami he was fearing.

Two days after proposing to Jaemin, lying on a hospital bed at the National Hospital of Seoul, doctor Kim declared Jaemin officially dead.

Everyone saw that coming, even Jeno that always saw what was coming whenever Jaemin was involved. Yet, Jeno insisted because he knew he would have never be able to love someone as much as he loved Jaemin.

When Jeno met Jaemin at the train station he learnt that the boy suffered from an illness that made his university career difficult. Jaemin had to drop out and moved back in Busan with his family to get his fair treatment. He didn’t want to tell Jeno and asked everyone to not tell him anything because he didn’t want to be a reason of Jeno’s worry when he knew that Jeno dream was to graduate in civil engineering. Jeno learnt that Jaemin stayed at some clinic institute for over a year. Jeno also learnt that the reason why Jaemin went back to Seoul was because he was healing and the last step of treatments he could have were at the National Hospital of Seoul.

Jeno also learnt more when Jaehyun brought him Jaemin’s childhood diary. He learnt that Jaemin didn’t like him first because he knew that Jeno didn’t really want to take the basket of cupcakes to them. He learnt that Jaemin was really hurt when he called Hyunjin his best friend and cried foe hours until his mom calmed him down. Jeno learnt that Jaemin never liked Ryu. He tried to like her for the sake of Jeno’s happiness but always faked a smile. Jeno didn’t knew how much Jaemin had to endure with his almost four years of relationship with Ryu. Jeno learnt that Jaemin got hurt many times because Jeno chose many times Ryu over him but he decided to stay quiet. Jeno learnt that Jaemin had a lot of difficulties because of his sexuality. He didn’t even knew that his mom didn’t accept him at first until Jaehyun had to take action asked at their mom for a family’s therapy. Now Jeno knew why every Thursday Jaemin was busy when they were 15. Jeno learnt that Jaemin truly loved Mark and that hurt him because he thought about all the times he had wasted.

But the most shocking thing to him was that Jaemin started to devolved feelings for him at the age of 15, right after he declared being in love with Ryu.

His best friend was in love with him and still waited for him. Jeno got mad for waiting only 4 years when Jaemin disappeared. Jaemin had waited his whole life for Jeno.

Tears were coming down his face. The sounds of his phone who kept notifying that someone just sent him their condolences.

Jeno was twenty six when his world collapsed like a house of cards. He has lost the love of his life. His best friend.

Jeno was twenty seven when he spent his first anniversary with Jaemin. This time Jaemin wasn’t there with him but he still was in Jeno’s memory and heart. Jeno sit at the same bench park where they shared their first kiss holding a white rose. He looked up at the sky and starred at the full moon and smiled. A bitter smile. That beautiful moon that always reflected on Jaemin’s eyes, now it was reflecting memories of Jaemin with him. Jaemin last words to him were _i love you, Jeno._

_“I love you too, Jaemin, always”._


End file.
